i don't like it

i don't like our new routine.

can't have sex, might have another baby. never mind that we had sex for years without having a baby. haven't had sex in uh. maybe 3 times in the past year. my husband came upstairs a few weeks ago and I thought that he was actually coming up to spend some time with me but it turns out he just wanted some.. uh.. assistance.

Every single night he has stuff he wants to do, usually involving his computer and his friends and his stuff, and every single night I am exhausted and go to bed early. I've asked him to spend time with me before he goes back down but he won't, he whines about how it's bad enough he has to do that to the KIDS, I shouldn't need it too. So every night I put the baby to bed and just sit in my bed and fall asleep but every single night I think maybe this time he'll come up early and he never does.

every other weekend he goes away on business or for fun or for SOME reason. It would be every single weekend but I had to make him agree not to leave us all alone every single weekend so now he will either go away or catch up on all the crap around the house he neglects when he's not here.

And in my fantasies of leaving him, I can't, because he'd be a total asshole about the children and I don't want to deal with it.

today we argued about my hair. I've wanted my hair cut for eons. he made it convenient for us that we didn't have time last weekend, the day I told him I wanted to go. Later he told me that he hates short hair, that women with short hair look like men and/or lesbians, and that to "give up" and cut your hair short is a mom cut, and he didn't want me to cut my hair. Never mind that I wasn't ever planning something drastic, that he has NO idea what I'm planning, OR that this is MY hair and I have to manage it. He told me the same things about having our daughter's hair cut. I told him he had every right not to like it, but he didn't have to make it so... known. His retort was that if he didn't tell me, then it would be lying to his wife. I asked him what he hoped to accomplish by telling me my hair looks stupid. Can someone answer that for me? as an aside I'm paranoid now that no matter what i do I will always be second guessing myself. Once again he's made something about him that had nothing to do with him in the first place. So much for feeling better about myself.

And while I'm on a roll, he couldn't understand when i tried to talk to him the other day about why it is rude to snap one's fingers and yell "miss!" at any waitress that he sees, when he want a drink refill. He just can not see how this is arrogant and might result in getting spit in your food. Every single time he does it I apologize to the poor waitress. He is too stupid to realize that we have a waitress, not some random person, and that if you just put your drink on the edge of the table she'll see it when she glances around at her tables. I always tip extra for dealing with him. Lest you think he took me out to eat, we just went to a pizza place that I had to bribe him with in order to get him to go shopping with me.